Endings
by Angeliz
Summary: The decision was mutual, but I didn't know that you'd move on so fast. And I didn't know that I'd...hurt. Five snapshots, mentions of TsuzukiHisoka and TsuzukiHijiri.


It's been awhile, huh? I blame college, as well as a number of oc-based fics that I don't post here due to their, well...oc-ness. (Nobody likes oc's and I know it.) Anyway, I did find the time and inspiration for this oneshot, mainly out of events in my own life at the moment. However, unlike Hisoka-chan, I'm feeling better now. A little scattered, but better. Man, college sucks. Eheh. Anyway. This fic is scattered, as I was scattered when I wrote it, but I did want it that way, since I imagine Hisoka's thoughts might be a bit here and there in this situation. It also started in a "five things" format, but I think I may have strayed a bit in that attempt. Let me know how it turned out, though, kay? Anyway, duckies, read and review! Angeliz out.

…

Hey, Hisoka?

I turn in my chair, turn to look at you, keeping my expression neutral. I can tell by your tone, and a sort of dread wells up in my stomach, I don't even need to sense your emotions to know. I just know. Your eyes are steady with mine. Can we talk?

We talk.

It isn't as bad as I'd feared it would be, more mutual than anything, and to my relief you want as much as I to remain friends and partners. I just don't love you that way, and I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. I don't regret you being my first kiss. I don't regret that we tried.

You smile and ruffle my hair, and together we leave the Ministry. Friendship feels steady and comforting between us.

…

You never show up for work the next day, and I can't help but feel a twinge of annoyance along with a tendril of worry. I mention your absence to Tatsumi in passing as I hand in my report, and he looks up at me in surprise. You've taken the day off, he tells me, called in sick with the flu, and didn't I know already?

Oh, I mutter, running a hand back through my bangs. Oh. I guess you really weren't feeling well, because I never got a call. I'll check on you over my lunch break, see if you need anything.

Tatsumi nods as I leave the office. At least I know you haven't been kidnapped again.

…

I end up skipping the lunch and grabbing a can of something to drink alone in our office. Some papers are scattered about your desk, some papers that I know are due this afternoon, so I gather them up and settle in with a pen cradled between my fingers. It's mostly about the expense account on our last few assignments, which I know you went over, but I fiddle with the numbers until they more or less fit. Consider it an apology for everything I've put you through in the last several months.

A stray wristwatch beeps from the clutter of your desk, and I realize that there are only a few minutes left to my lunch. I have an appointment with the Gushoshin later, and another with Konoe after that. If I want to call you it'll have to be now. The phone rings twice before you pick up.

I can't sense your emotion through the telephone, but you certainly don't sound sick, I note with some suspicion. You laugh when I voice these thoughts. You're not really, you say, but don't tell Tatsumi! You actually had a date today. With Hijiri, remember, the violinist from some years back, you met him on the street about a week ago, and… Hisoka?

I can't respond for a moment. I feel like I've had the breath knocked out of me. You've always moved fast, but you've moved on faster, and a week ago was _before_ we decided to end it between us. I don't really know what to say.

Hisoka, you ask, and am I okay with this? Hisoka?

The phone between us hides the lie on my face, in my eyes. I'm crying? How strange. Despite it, I force a casual tone, striving to sound like my old self. That's great, Tsuzuki, and why would it bother me? We didn't work out. As your partner, I'm happy for you. But hey, I have to go now, I've got an appointment. Don't skip out on work tomorrow, idiot, I'm not doing your paperwork again.

Bye, Hisoka, you say, and the receiver clicks. I think I've hung up on you.

…

I stop in to see the Gushoshin, but the meeting takes less time than I'd anticipated, and I find myself with nearly two hours to kill before Konoe expects me for lessons. I've already finished my work for the day, so I step outside without really thinking about it, heading for the training area. It's been awhile since I've had time to practice my archery.

Time runs like water as I let fly my arrows, shot after shot, target after target. Nearly all perfect hits, only a handful near perfect misses. My brain is in overdrive, and I know without a doubt I must avoid all but the calmest of my coworkers for the rest of the day. There is no room in my mind for anyone else's inner turmoil.

Perhaps it's a good thing that you've taken the day off, I think, and my final arrow arcs point-blank into the ceiling.

…

Konoe calls my practice after only thirty minutes, tells me to go home and get some rest. I'm working too hard, he says, and shinigami need sleep, too. I know, I tell him, I know, and goodnight, Chief.

But I don't go home.

Instead, I stop back by our office, lock the door behind me, flick on my computer. I call up the files from the Sagatanasu case, from there transfer to what I can view of Minase Hijiri's personal information. There isn't much. He's still alive. He's still Hijiri. He'll probably be good for you. I'm glad for you, I am, and it's not that I want us together again. I just feel…

Betrayed?

I shake my head, hit the power button without going through full shut-down. You deserve to be happy. I know you do. It's none of my business anymore.

It's dark when I finally begin my walk home. The moon is full and bloody, and for once, I can't find it in me to care.

…

You know the drill, there's nothing to it. If you read it, you review it. :3


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